SEPTA has announced its plan for Thursday’s commuter and parade service. We aren’t going to pretend. We read this three times and have no idea what it means. We don’t really use SEPTA. Below is the text from the SEPTA website (unedited), feel free to comment with what it means.

Stations OPEN for AM SERVICE to JEFFERSON STATION:

• ELM ST.: first train 5:45 a.m. – no service after approximately 8:01 a.m.
  • TOTAL # OF AM TRAINS SERVING THIS STATION: 3
  • TOTAL RIDER CAPACITY FOR THIS STATION: 2,790
• NORRISTOWN TC: first train 5:52 a.m. – no service after approximately 8:51 a.m.
  • TOTAL # OF AM TRAINS SERVING THIS STATION: 1
  • TOTAL RIDER CAPACITY FOR THIS STATION: 930
• CONSHOHOCKEN: first train 5:57 a.m. – no service after approximately 8:56 a.m.
  • TOTAL # OF AM TRAINS SERVING THIS STATION: 1
  • TOTAL RIDER CAPACITY FOR THIS STATION: 930

NO AM service from Center City towards Manayunk/Norristown Line Stations

PM Service Departs from JEFFERSON STATION ONLY:

• JEFFERSON: first train 2:00 p.m. — no service after 9:30 p.m.

NO PM service from Manayunk/Norristown Line Stations towards Center City

Pre-Purchased Fares REQUIRED:

• Valid Weekly/Monthly Zone 3 TrailPass
• One Day Individual Independence Pass – Special Parade Price $10.00
• One Day Family Independence Pass
• SEPTA Key Senior Card/PA Senior Transit ID Card/Valid Drivers License plus pre-purchased Senior Ticket
• SEPTA Key Reduced Fare Card/PA Reduced Transit Fare ID plus pre-purchased Half Fare Ticket
• Children Up to 2 children ages 4 years or under – Free; All other Children (through age 11) – plus pre-purchased Half Fare Ticket

Parking Options

• Norristown (Elm St.)
  • SEPTA daily parking – 226 spaces, $1/day
• Norristown TC
  • SEPTA daily parking (garage) – 513 spaces, $3 or $2 with Value Card/day
• Conshohocken
  • SEPTA daily parking – 118 spaces, FREE

ALL OTHER MANAYUNK/NORRISTOWN LINE STATIONS CLOSED FOR THE ENTIRE SERVICE DAY – TRAINS WILL NOT STOP

MANAYUNK/NORRISTOWN LINE ALTERNATE SERVICE FOR CLOSED STATIONS:

Main Street (Norristown) Station
Route 93 from Main & Barbadoes Streets to Norristown Transportation Center
Transfer to the Norristown High Speed Line to 69th Street Transportation Center & Transfer to the Market-Frankford Line
Parkway Station Option: 30th Street Stop
Center City Station Option: 13th Street 

Spring Mill Station
Route 97 to Norristown Transportation Center
Transfer to the Norristown High Speed Line to 69th Street Transportation Center & Transfer to the Market-Frankford Line
Parkway Station Option: 30th Street Stop
Center City Station Option: 13th Street

Miquon Station
Route 27 from Ridge Pike & Manor Road to Wissahickon Transportation Center & transfer to Routes 9, 124 or 125. 30th & Market Streets will be closed during the parade and Routes 9, 124, 125 will be on detour – check System Status for day of information about bus routing 

Ivy Ridge Station
Routes 35 or 62 to Wissahickon Transportation Center & transfer to Routes 9, 124 or 125. 30th & Market Streets will be closed during the parade and Routes 9, 124, 125 will be on detour – check System Status for day of information about bus routing 

Manayunk Station
Routes 35 or 62 to Wissahickon Transportation Center & transfer to Routes 9, 124 or 125. 30th & Market Streets will be closed during the parade and Routes 9, 124, 125 will be on detour – check System Status for day of information about bus routing 

Wissahickon Transportation Center
Routes 9, 124 or 125. 30th & Market Streets will be closed during the parade and Routes 9, 124, 125 will be on detour – check System Status for day of information about bus routing 

East Falls Station
Routes 1, 61 or R from Ridge & Midvale Avenues to Wissahickon Transportation Center & transfer to Routes 9, 124 or 125. 30th & Market Streets will be closed during the parade and Routes 9, 124, 125 will be on detour – check System Status for day of information about bus routing

Allegheny Station
Route 60 to Allegheny Avenue & Broad Street, then Routes 4 or 16 & Transfer to the Broad Street Line at North Philadelphia stop
Center City Station Options: Race-Vine, Walnut-Locust
Stadium Option: AT&T Station