Buc-ee’s, the expanding travel center chain known for clean bathrooms, numerous gas pumps, fudge, and chopped brisket sandwiches, is eying Conshohocken for its first location in the Philadelphia region. A Buc-ee’s spokesperson stated that “Conshohocken sits at the intersection of 76 and 476 making it the perfect location for a travel center, and that there was a lack of fudge in the area.”

According to a proposed plan submitted to the borough, this will be Buc-cee’s largest travel center in the nation, encompassing 1.2 square miles completely covering the one-square mile community.

“Buc-ee-hocken, as we are going to call this location, will really be the culmination of Conshohocken’s redevelopment,” offered the spokesperson. “This will be the first Buc-ee-fication of an entire community, offering apartments, with amenities such as the ability to buy a wood-fired smoker and holiday inflatables while you pump gas, single family homes with their own gas pump, and every restaurant will serve Buc-ee’s popular menu. The bridge will also be painted Buc-ee’s signature yellow and promotional flags featuring Buc-ee’s beaver mascot, Bucky, will hang from all light poles along all roadways.”

Asked by MoreThanTheCurve.com if there are any concerns about the plan, the spokesperson shared, “Old-school residents of Conshohocken refer to Conshy as “Cunshy,” and we fear they will do the reverse and refer to Buc-ee-hocken as “Bo-cee-hocken,” making it sound more like the lawn game and not the travel center.”

In other development news, Plymouth Township has rezoned the entire township to only allow for adult entertainment uses. A township spokesperson offered, “We are the township that fought a Trader Joe’s-style grocery store with apartments and got the residents a gas station instead. We really know what we are doing and will take all necessary steps to prevent apartments.”

It is April Fool’s! Congratulations on reading beyond the headline.