You Better…Knock…on Wood

Well, a lot has happened with the Eagles since my column last week. In Andy Reid style, let’s get started. Injuries…Stewart Bradley and Cornelius Ingram each suffered a torn ACL. They are done for the season. DeSean Jackson hyper-extended his knee in a collision with Asante Samuel, it doesn’t seem serious and he is expected to be able to recover in time for the regular season if not before that. Trent Cole sprained his shoulder and Kevin Kolb sprained his knee. They will be evaluated and there isn’t anymore information to provide on those injuries until they have been evaluated.


The most serious injury so far, seems to be to Stewart Bradley. He plays an important role in the defense in that he is responsible for communicating the plays to the rest of the defense and making audibles when needed. The best Eagles fans can do, is hope that either Omar Gaither or Joe Mays will be adequate replacements. Let’s just hope they can do a better job than Mark Simoneau did.


The injury to Ingram is a setback but not a big one in my opinion because I did not expect much out of him this year as a rookie. However, there is a concern with depth at that position since Schobel is dinged up as well. The Eagles have signed a couple of undrafted free agents and will evaluate them over the remainder of training camp and the pre-season. Not making the deal with Kansas City for Tony Gonzalez for a pick in next year’s draft like Atlanta did looks like a bad idea now. I imagine that if Andy Reid were to see Tony Gonzalez’ name on the roster right now the headache he has had since day one of training camp would be a little bit more bearable. Just a little bit though, because…


A new injury to pro-bowl DE Trent Cole today, doesn’t bring much relief to a defensive line that has suffered a fair share of injuries too. The injuries sound minor and everyone should recover sufficiently enough to be ready for the regular season, but it would be nice to get some practice time in as a starting unit before then. Take into account the loss of Jim Johnson last week and what has been a great strength of the Andy Reid era might be its greatest weakness. I think that the Eagles’ offense is going to need to score quickly and score a lot because I fear that other teams are going to do that against us more often than not this year.


With scoring being something that this team is going to have to do a lot of it is extremely important for the offensive line to get meaningful practice sessions as a unit. Believe it or not, this is something they have yet to get accomplished in training camp so far. The injury to Kolb is not one that I’m overly concerned about since he isn’t the one getting paid the big bucks to be behind center taking the snaps this year.


Last but not least. Todd Herremans and Juqua Parker were arrested. According to a report, Todd Herremans was driving a van with Juqua Parker in the front passenger seat and not one, but two twenty-something co-eds in the back seat. The cause for the traffic stop was the fact that Herremans made an illegal left turn and was driving the vehicle without the headlights on. Herremans was given tickets for both violations and registered a .05% BAC on a breath test. Upon investigation the police discovered that Parker was in possession of marijuana. Not a good thing for a number of reasons, except for one, depending upon how you look at it the conversation that Juqua Parker had to have with his wife to explain the whole mess had to be entertaining. This is how I imagine it went…


Juqua: Hey baby doll.
Beth: Oh, hell no! Don’t you come up in here and baby doll me. No! Unh uh! I ‘aint havin’ any of that. You best get on up outta here right now!
Juqua: B-but.
Juqua: Honey listen to me. I can explain. Just give me a chance.
Beth: Give you a chance huh. I’ll give you a chance alright. Come here you. Whoosh! (Swings and misses with here oversized Fendi bag) Come here. I’m gonna get you! Wait ‘till I get my hands around you!
Juqua: Let me explain. Please! It wasn’t my idea.
Beth: I’m sure! What makes you think I believe that?
Juqua: Listen to me, Dave Akers made a field goal and coach extended our curfew from 11:00 to 1:00 and given that I’m over 30…I didn’t have to practice in the morning session. So, I decided to go out for dinner instead of eating in the mess hall.
Beth: Oh yeah?
Juqua: Yeah baby. So, I went with Todd in his vintage black 1970’s shaggin’ wagon.
Beth: Shaggin’ wagon? Are you nuts! You went out in a shaggin’ wagon to eat dinner and do nothing else?
Juqua: Yeah. I swear.
Beth: What was the name of the place you had dinner at?
Juqua: The Box Car.
Beth: The Box Car? Sounds like a real classy place.
Juqua: It’s not too bad. They’ve got some pretty good snapper soup and wild beaver. Beth: You want me to believe you had snapper soup and wild beaver for dinner?
Juqua: You got to believe me, please. That’s the honest truth.
Beth: Ok, so you had dinner. Then what happened. What were those two girls doing in the car?
Juqua: Well, you see, Todd is friends with them. He found them while trollin’ around on facebook or MySpace, or was it craigslist? I can’t remember, but the point is that I didn’t expect to see any girls that night baby. You’re the only one for me baby doll.
Beth: What? What the hell was Todd gonna possibly do with two girls?
Juqua: Uh. Well. Um, I dunno. You’ll have to ask him. I mean, I thought that he said something about how he was going to get some massage therapy for his back. The night was supposed to have a happy ending, but it didn’t because we got pulled over.
Beth: How do you explain the marijuana?
Juqua: Oh, that? I thought you wanted me to explain the girls? Well, I can explain that too I guess. That really wasn’t mine. Hell, what do you need me to explain that for? Who’s the one payin’ for all this you got? The Hummer, the Escalade, the house, the jewelry, the maid, huh? Who’s makin’ the bacon to pay for all this?
Beth: Uh, well, you are baby.
Juqua: Ummm huh. That’s right and you best step off right now, while you still can and recognize.
Beth: Ok, baby. You’re right. I’m sorry. Won’t bring it up again. I’m gonna go buy me a nice big pink diamond ring tomorrow. I can get a real deal on it. Only $86,753 and nine cents! Is that okay with you?
Juqua: If it means that I’m done explaining all of this to you, then hell yeah! That is fine with me baby doll. You can go spend whatever you want. Now, get over hear and give daddy some sugar.

That’s how I imagine the conversation going, where Juqua is able to just squash the argument without really explaining anything at all, something that I’m not really fine with. He should have to explain why he made such a dumb decision to betray his family, his team, and his fans. This was a horrible decision that is most likely going to result in a suspension for Parker and possibly one for Herremans.


Eagles fans need to take some advice from a song that David Bowie and others have performed and just “Knock, knock, knock on wood” in the hope that the team doesn’t lose anymore players for an extended amount of time, because if they lose anymore players for any reason, then it might be time to panic about the team and prepare to begin “Knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door” instead. You should be worried about the team right now, but there isn’t any need to panic….Yet.